Jury Duty
Meme It!Dwight:So this whole hit and run thing, there's just one part I can't figure out. You said it was at a four-way stop...
Jim:Mm-hmm.
Dwight:And the victim rode his bicycle into the left hand turn lane but the perp was already in the left-hand turn lane?
Jim:Mm-hmm.
Dwight:See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle. [villainous laugh] Busted, Halpert!
Jim:Okay, wait, wait.
Dwight:Yes! Andy, get out here.
Jim:No. I never said he was on a bicycle. I just said I wasn't listening to you.
Dwight:I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.
Andy:What's up, gangstas?
Dwight:Jim was lying about jury duty. He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing. I don't know what this pervert likes. Fire him!
Andy:Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory.
Dwight:I have Jim on the record saying that the vic-
Andy:No. Dwight! I have me on the record, saying to you, take a chill pill.
Dwight:I don't- I don't need to take a chill pill.
Andy:Here, right there. [mimes giving Dwight a pill and a glass] Down the hatch.
Dwight:I really don't want to take the chill pill. [mimes taking pill]
Andy:Attaboy. Good. Now, chill.
Dwight:Okay, okay. [sits, exhales] But let's just say that Jim was lying about jury duty. You would have to fire him, right?
Andy:Yeah, sure, of course. I'd fire him to Timbuktu. [Jim laughs nervously]
Dwight:That's good enough for me. [exhales again]