Stress Relief, Pt. 1 & 2
Meme It!Michael:Come on Stanley. You're losing you. You're losing you. Do it!
Angela:Michael!
Michael:This is you we're talking about.
Angela:Michael.
Michael:Okay, okay. I'll show them. Here we go. [whispers] Stanley. All right.
CPR Trainer:So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Michael:No, Rose. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Rose:No, that's not part of it.
Michael:Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Kevin:I would want to live with no legs.
Michael:How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.
Rose:All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute .
Michael:okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Jim:How's that gonna help you?
Michael:I will divide and then count to it.
Jim:Right.
Rose:Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Michael:Yes, yes I do. I love that song. [clears throat, begins to sing] First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Rose:No, it's--Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Michael:Okay, I got it.
Creed:[to Rose] You were in the parking lot earlier. That's how I know you.
Michael:Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive [Andy joins in] Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Michael:Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah...
Andy:Oh you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk. Music loud, women warm, been kicked around since I was born. Oh, it's alright, it's okay, [Michael and Kelly join in] you can look the other way. Loo do do!
Rose:Okay!
Andy:Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Rose:Okay!
Everyone:[muttering] Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Rose:Yeah, okay. You didn't maintain 100 beats per minute, and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911. So you lost him.
Dwight:Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose?
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