Lice
Meme It!Dwight:Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kill or be killed!
Erin:No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats...
Dwight:To be burned!
Erin:To be washed.
Angela:What do we do about our heads?
Dwight:I'm not gonna lie. Lye!
Erin:No, all we need is mayonnaise.
Angela:Excuse me?
Pam:She's right, it works. I would imagine.
Erin:Yes, it helps to suffrocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos.
Oscar:I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce.
Meredith:[walks in conference room] Shaboom! How do you like me now!?
Angela:Oh.
Oscar:Wow.
Meredith:Take a picture. It will last longer.
Angela:We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible.
Creed:Bald people make me sick.
Meredith:Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss.
Erin:Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now.
Pam:Oh! Uh, uh I'll go.
Angela:Okay. Oh, thank you.
Oscar:You're a saint, Pam.
Pam:No, no, it's not a big deal, please. No. Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or...or one of those stylish turbans?
Meredith:Thanks Pam! I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.
Pam:Okay.
Dwight:Let's talk pubes, people.