Test the Store
Meme It!Toby:Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? This is about escaping with your life. So... strike, scream, and run. All right? Let's try it.
Meredith:Ow.
Toby:That may have been my fault.
Meredith:What the hell, Toby?
Toby:Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, you're not gonna have to time to think, okay? So just remember, I-A-A-T-G. It's all about the groin.
Andy:What if you're being attacked by a smallish man who happens to not have a groin?
Toby:I don't think that's very common.
Andy:What if you're being attacked by a 411 man who is penisless?
Oscar:Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?
Andy:Why don't we start with the basics? Show us how to defend ourselves against a baby, and then like, a fifth grade girl, and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man.
Toby:Well, the most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female.
Andy:So in that scenario, what if the victim sucker-punches the attacker in the face? What can the attacker then do to better protect himself?
Toby:It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker. You would like the turn of the table. Okay, the latest Chad Flenderman novel... [everyone groans] written from the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu.
Angela:Can I please leave? I have a rape flute.
Toby:All right, well, let's try one simple technique together. Okay, why doesn't everyone stand? Okay, so... you're being attacked. Youve got your hands up. Simple palm strike to the chin. Up to the chin. One, two.
Everyone:One, two.
Andy:[softly] Take that, kid.