The Deposition
Meme It!Lester:Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?
Michael:She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.
Lester:Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?
Michael:Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.
Lester:You don't need to go any further. Her breasts.
Michael:Yes.
Lester:She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery?
Michael:Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.
Lester:What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination?
Michael:Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.
Lester:Interesting. How so?
Michael:Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here. [makes a gasping sound]
Diane Kelly:Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you?
Michael:I will allow it.
Diane Kelly:Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please. [Diane hands Michael the photo of Jan and Michael in Jamaica]
Michael:Uh...
Diane Kelly:That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct?
Michael:Uh-huh.
Diane Kelly:And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin?
Michael:Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define 'begin'. I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.
Diane Kelly:Wait, excuse me?
Michael:If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.
Lester:Could we take a short break?
Diane Kelly:No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here?
Michael:Line.
Diane Kelly:I'm sorry, what?
Man:He asked for a line, like in a play.