Performance Review
Meme It!Michael:I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened.
Jan:Because nothing did, Michael. It, I'm not going to say anything more about it, and I would advise that you do the same
Michael:Look-
Dwight:Michael?
Michael:Oh my God...
Dwight:I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out?
Jan:No, Dwight; come in.
Dwight:Great.
Michael:What do you want Dwight?
Dwight:I am ready for my performance review.
Michael:Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye.
Jan:Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael?
Michael:You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave.
Dwight:Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise?
Michael:Why on earth would we give you a raise?
Dwight:That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word: dedication. [points to graphs] I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. [Michael sighs] Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays.
Michael:You do? How do you get in?
Dwight:I have a copy of your key.
Jan:That's a serious offense!
Michael:That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart.
Jan:Oh! Michael, for God sakes!
Dwight:I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace.
Michael:Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that?
Dwight:For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office.
Michael:That was deer!? Gross, oh!
Dwight:You liked it!
Michael:Oh, did not!
Dwight:Jan, have you ever had deer?
Jan:No.
Dwight:It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise.
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