Drug Testing
Meme It!Dwight:I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night.
Ryan:I go to a lot of parties.
Dwight:Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me you keys.
Ryan:I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight:Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan:What's the hard way?
Dwight:I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer, I know several, what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant, once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan:Yeah, let's do it that way.
Michael:Ry, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot. You know, you're totally harshing the office mellow.
Dwight:I can't stop this investigation. It is my job.
Jim:Whoa. You are a volunteer.
Dwight:I volunteered for this job.
Jim:And that's not the same.
Dwight:It is my duty...
Jim:[interrupting] Volunteer duty.
Dwight:...to investigate the crime scene. I have six more interviews to go and then I will reveal what I know.
Michael:[fake coughing] Narc!
Dwight:If you are attempting to compliment me then you have done a very good job.
Michael:I wasn't attempting to compliment you.
Dwight:Well, you have...
Michael:Uuf, well...
Dwight:...because being a narc is one of the hardest jobs that you can have...
Michael:[shakes head] Okay...
Dwight:...and I am very proud of being a narc.
Michael:Why don't you just cool it, cool it Dwight, please, God! [to Jim] Dude, where's my office? [Jim quietly laughs] I totally lost it, 'cause I was half-baked. Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest!
Jim:Well, your office is behind you.
Michael:Thanks. M-m-munchies. Who wants some munchies?